The cold depths of these late February days… have become unbearably drab… and the winter has completely & wholly lost any appeal that it once held for me.   Although I’ve always loved winter – I can honestly say – I am MORE than ready – to move away from this coldness.

I guess my heart’s just not into Winter… this year.   But I have an odd heart…  I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve… with the ability to hear, feel, see, and sense things said  (or not said);  done (or not done)  very deeply…  and it goes straight – like an arrow, into my heart.   So perhaps a life time of absorbing the incessant impacts,  is what broke it?    So 4 hours of cardiac surgery – has hopefully repaired, what all these  ‘head & heart”  experiences – have done…   Is this the cost of thinking too much?  Of being a writer? A poet? Artist?  Creator of songs? Melodies?  Prose?  Who knows… All I know is I take everything to heart… literally and figuratively.

So, I had to take a big, step back…  and began re-evaluating my life.  And in this mental, mining excavation, discovered that there are things I once believed to be true and real…  but upon closer, quiet, inspection and careful dissection… found these things were actually – counterfeit.  Things that I believed – melted away like morning frost, that rests on a field…   Yes, it was real… until the sun came up… and then… it doesn’t hold up to the test.

There were things, once important to me… that fell away… bit by bit, one by one… like Autumn leaves… until I came to the realization that they held no value… and were merely poor imitations of the truths I sought.   For I unearthed things that I had overlooked – and upon more careful attention… discovered  ‘diamonds in the rough’  that hold a lot more meaning and worth – than I had been lead to believe…  Thus, I stand corrected, older, and wiser.

And on this path, I’ve learned to pick my battles… and when to be silent.   My feelings don’t always need to be expressed…  nor understood – except by me.   And taking the path of least drama… is always tons easier….  but I can never overlook – that the “hard right… over the easy wrong” – (though not always easy)… is always the best choice.

I’ve come to realize,  that there are things that deserve a greater degree of patience – than I had given.  So, all in all… there’s a lot of changes… but  I am content with cleaning the rubbish… and I’m growing accustomed – to this new outlook – and so very glad I can move onward & upward.

So… with my broken heart – well on the mend…   I’ve put the cold winter behind, & set my sights on Spring.  I’m gathering the seeds for the gardens I am going to cultivate…  and I’m ok with the realization that I’ve accumulated a LOT of compost… both from my kitchen – and from my life.   Instead of wallowing, regretting or being remiss…  I’m taking all the “useful” refuse…  and tilling it…  changing it into better, useful, cultivated compost… to grow upon.   Think about it…  <3

Well… 2016 dawned… and unlike most of the New Years Eve partiers out there… watching fireworks, cheering, toasting while sipping fancy drinks, and dancing with wild abandon…  I opted for the quieter side… watching a few good movies,  curled up with my dog on the sofa and happily shared a bowl of popcorn with his ever-wagging eagerness.  So I woke up,  to greet 2016… in the dim grey light of the morning… bright eyed and bushy tailed.

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A few weeks before Christmas, I decided… being the true, proverbial Archer – to set my sights on some new targets & goals for the long winter ahead.   I’m one of those -who, if I’m not active… I start to get a bit cranky.  The faux winter weather we’ve been having, has been a bit more than dreary and cold, so my ‘go to’  outdoor activity, being the long miles of road cycling,  has been placed on the back burner for awhile.  I loathe the indoor trainer… and find the “hamster wheel’ feel of it – pretty unbearable…  just not that kinda girl.

And as for kayaking… passion #2… I’m a bit more hopeful.. seeing as the bay isn’t frozen yet, and the unusual “winter” temperatures have kept this – remaining on the horizon still, as an option.  With the occasional warm day here & there… and my trusty Kokotat, dry boots & gear… I can make kayaking… an unexpected, delightful possibility for sure…

And then there’s the gym… and the allure of the Arc machine’s promise of a good, solid, cardio workout…  But the mobs of “resolution-ites”  who will undoubtedly be flooding the gym, in hopes to enthusiastically approach their new year’s goals…  have daunted my desire to even go near the gym, and cringe away from being any part of that kind of scene.  But I know if i give it a few weeks… they’ll fall by the way-side…  melting away nearly as quickly as they appeared…  leaving the dedicated ones behind…. like a surging tide… and the wave of giddy, hopeful,  stylishly outfitted optimists… rushing their way in, with churning power… tumbling, crawling feverishly onto the shore…  then, seconds later…  to quickly retreat back…  leaving in it’s recoil… the scattered shells & sea glass devotes… who remain for the long haul…  still on the shore.  Haha… wouldn’t Dylan Thomas roll over in his grave… cringing at that analogy…  sometimes I just crack myself up.

So… with these options pretty much not conducive to a good solid, day-to-day work out right now…  and knowing that although I’ve been told, I make fiddling look like an aerobic activity… it’s just not enough, nor what I need…  so I’ve turned my sights to a new…. hmm… passion – is it?    Hot yoga.

Before the new year rush,  when everyone else was out frantically holiday-ing…  I gave this Hot Yoga a try… and being the “all or nothing” – addictive kinda character I am…  I did it again,  and again…  and I think I can fairly certainly say – I’m hooked.   It’s certainly not the high end, hard core, physical activity I’m generally drawn to… but it’s delightfully challenging in the stretching… especially when added with the cerebral focus and joining of mind & body that I love.   I was blessed with “Gumby genes”… so the bending & stretching is just a great personal joy I truly like… And a ‘real live’ class… sure does beat my old Rodney Yee dvd’s hands down…  as much as I love him.  The open minded, meditational edge also appeals to me tremendously.

I know I think too much… and tend to be a high intensity type person…  So when faced with the situation to clear my mind,  focus on my body, and stretch my muscles out – in heated, enveloping temperatures… that make my pores leak like a sieve…  I grab onto it.  I love feeling like I’m cleansing myself of toxins at the same time… I think too, it will put me in a beautiful frame of mind and body for Spring – so I can climb back on my road bike… as soon as the weather gets more amiable for getting back to my cycling.

So, does this introspection…  and seeking to refine my fitness levels, while enriching self awareness…   change me?  Does it make me a better person? a better fiddler? a better writer?  better singer? a better anything?    That’s wholly & completely up to me.    I know in order to utilize the benefits of  these passions,   I need to be as deeply balanced as I can be…   and in finding that balance – I will find the ability to calm and expand my mind so I can write and open the channels in my heart to create,  and clear the junk away so I can expressively play my fiddle, guitar, dulcimer & mandolin…  and pour my purest, best self – into all things… and hopefully – in that way… I can be better…

Note:  This is not a goal to be  “the best”… oh no.    That’s never my goal.   I don’t compete… plain and simple.  I don’t compete with anyone else… and trust me,  there’s not a living soul – who can compete with me… worse or harder than I compete with myself.   My goal… is to just be – the best I can.

So I guess, in examining the gifts I’ve been shown – and given – this year…  and knowing that giving back – is oft times… the best part of the reward…. I can honestly say,  in retrospect… that I have done my best this year… for friends – new & old, strangers and family alike… many times, without hesitation.  If I thought it was right, or good, and I believed I could do it… I did it.   Whether it was to lend a hand,  give support, or of myself – I tried my best… and… though I’m not gonna dwell on this…  as I know, I need to become better at it…  and some who know me, and are reading this…  won’t believe it… but I have held my tongue and said nothing – more times than not…  especially when I really wanted to cry out in frustration, aggravation or anger… I can say…  I did not.

So in conclusion… gazing back through all of this, I ask myself… what have I done?  What have I achieved?

I’ve reached farther into seeking fitness.  I’ve learned when to hold on, and when to let go.  I have recognized things I should have done – and things I shouldn’t have done… yet hold no regrets.  The list could go on and on, and I think I’ve written enough today…   But mostly, I learned this year,  that the heart is an ever expanding, endless plane… and when you let yourself  go,  and you give yourself over to love…  “to love with a love that is more than love” (Edgar Allen Poe)  and then… sadly, you lose that love… it feels unbearable…  but I’ve learned – with patience & by keeping the heart open…  that a wonderful, new love – a love even greater… will flood into that empty space – that was left in your heart.

Love – is fluid.

It will come flooding in – if you allow, and fill the spaces in your heart.  So if you focus on the beautiful, the joyous, the good, the kind, the gentle, and the loving things that surround you… then that is what you will receive…  love is everywhere… you just have to look…

   Love  <3  Jennifer!

Temperatures have risen as Summer’s reaching it’s peak.  As a winter loving person… I don’t like it.  I much prefer to have the windows open – and the curtains blowing in the breeze… that’s not to be had in these stifling, August temps.   So… I seek the shady spots… with guitar, fiddle, mandolin… a strong fan… and just try and stay cool…

The muse to write and create – has been moving strongly within me – over this past month or so,  and  I’m writing with something more like an insatiable desire…  & I need to let this well run over…  and so far, two new songs have been born…  and though I’m very pleased with both of them…  I can still feel the muse stirring… and I know I’m not yet satiated.

I’m sure this rogue muse seeped into my soul,  somewhere in the mountains, or perhaps,  in the woods when I was gypsy camping… which is one of my greatest pleasures.   For  just being up in the mountains with my little camper – makes me so joyous…  ahh… or paddling on the bay waters with the kayak… listening to the tall grasses as they whisper and the osprey soar over my head,  or evenings at the lake, playing tunes… while the Loons – sing along… in the deepening shadows.

Everything has been an inspiration lately.  I’ve been excessively blessed to have been able to do a lot of escaping this summer…  and I’ve stretched my wings & flown high, far & wide.   When I get home, I’m sooo  happy to BE home…. but I start planning my next adventure… as it’s feeding this insatiable, wild muse – within me…   and the thoughts and ideas that gallop through my mind… are colorful, beautiful and twisted – all at once…  and I can’t get them down onto paper – fast enough…

But in all this wild creation…  I can say I miss working with my friend, guitarist, John Wilson…  who moved away…  for he had that knack of being able to slide a melody into the right feeling, drawing the right sounds from his guitar;  but I soldier on.    I still have his old 355 Taylor guitar…  and I hope – that part of the muse that graced him – still lingers in the mahogany – of that old 355…  as I struggle to combine those wickedly modal, DADGAD chords…  which I don’t fully,  technically understand exactly what they are – but I can hear that they work & compliment each other… to pull tones, notes, chords & lyrics – into an artfully disheveled creation…  Oh it’s madness I tell you… sheer madness…  and I love it!    It stokes my flame!

So… long story short – “Shadow Of a Crow”  is finally sliding through the threshold of it’s finishing stages.  Jokingly I use to say it would be done Tuesday…. (which Tuesday, I don’t know)  but suddenly, I’m seeing an end in sight.   Had a LOT of serious “stop & go” events… crop up during this project… including a house fire, moving, a massive flood,   Hurricane Sandy,  and the list goes on…   But… NOW… whew… I CAN see the light at the end of this LONGGGG  tunnel… and I”m so very glad!   I think it’s gonna be an awesome cd…  as it’s got a great feel… and I love it…

Here’s a pic from sunset, on the lake… one of my fav’s… might put this inside the jacket on the new cd…  2 fiddles,  1 guitar, and Uilleann pipes….  only thing missing from this pic… is the marvelous sound of the loons…